Another birthday is here and I am in the same place as I was last year. Last year though felt awesome because I’d just finished a year of being a library manager and new things were happening. This year however I feel kinda stagnant, like I hadn’t accomplished anything in the past year. Last week I had to write a one page summary of what I did for work last year, at first I couldn’t think of a thing, then I started talking to people and realized that I did quite a lot. Maybe it’s the same way with my personal life over the past year. But then again, there were only a handful of times I went out with friends, also there was one time I should have gone out but I didn’t, that was a mistake. Anyway starting today I am going to try and take more chances, I don’t want to be back here at 35 wondering where the past year went, so with that said I’m going to post this at the time I was born, then I’m going to start working on things.
I cannot believe it is already the end of February, this year is flying by. Tomorrow begins a new month, my birth month, I turn 34 in 11 days. My brother turns 25 in a couple of days (after I typed that I was completely surprised because I had honestly forgotten he was that old). At the end of next month my grandmother will turn 75, and she is doing quite well which makes me happy and blessed.
Some awesome things have happened so far this year, one of my best friends got engaged a couple of weeks ago which was cool. I actually took pictures of the event which was awesome. Work is work, we are in the beginning stages of our performance review period. I have until Thursday to write a summary about my performance from last year, I should probably start that. Other than that I met somebody who I really like and hope things progress. That’s life in a nutshell, could be a lot worse. I however will continue to try and make it better.
…and I don’t feel any different as the song by Death Cab for Cutie goes. I am hoping great things happen in the year 2014, maybe I’ll actually work on not eating so much junk food and exercise a bit more. I’ll work on traveling a bit more, or maybe just further out of Texas. Another thing I’d like to accomplish is getting the budget taken care of, I’m actually getting closer with that goal so that makes me happy. There are some other things I’d like to work on but for now I’m going to keep them to myself. In any case, welcome 2014, I hope this is a great year not only for me but for everyone. Happy New Year!
It’s December, which means that the new year is right around the corner. Every year at this time (at least for the past 2 years) I find myself thinking about the future and how I would want some things about myself to change. Really I should be thinking about that every day, but it just seems that with the changing of calendars I think about it more seriously. I tend to be an introvert though I’m sure my friends would say otherwise, but I tend not to put myself out there in social situations unless I’m with people I know. So when it comes to meeting somebody I’m extremely terrified. My last girlfriend I met through a friend and even then it took months before we went out. I am working on it, and hopefully I’ll be able to get over my fears of not being good enough for somebody. That may happen this year, maybe next, but it will happen. For the time being I’ll just work on not over-thinking things (another flaw of mine).
There are times in which I think I have to be perfect, times in which I think it’s totally unacceptable to make a mistake, mostly those times are when I am at work. I realize that nobody is perfect, but sometimes I think that my brain ignores that fact. I’m always trying to figure out how to not make a mistake. However when it becomes inevitable that I will, or if I am unsure of myself I tend to panic…a lot. That is something I have to work on, and I am happy to have people around me that don’t care that I’m not perfect for which I am eternally grateful. I will always try to do my best, but I need to remind myself that it’s okay to make a mistake every now and then, it’s the proof that we’re human. I also have to remember the advice of my former boss, “don’t worry about making a mistake, anything you do can be reversed”. I don’t think anything I do can be reversed, but I think at least 90% of it can be, and that’s okay.
Today my friends and I went to the UH/BYU football game and we decided to sit in the student section and while I did have fun I also felt really old. That also got me to thinking about life stuff and how I’m not getting any younger. Things that I did in my 20s are catching up with me in my 30s. Maybe if I am lucky by the time I hit my 40s (if I’m lucky enough to hit them) I can make up for all the mistakes I made in my 20s and early-30s. I just need to figure out the things I need to reverse in order to be happier and feel good about myself. Maybe if I can stop being such an introvert that’ll help, also I should watch this whenever I’m down (not all steps apply, but some do, and it’s a good video) – http://vimeo.com/60739398. Okay, I am done for now, back again another time.
Football is back, and with that so is fantasy football! I am so excited, though I’m going to lose in one of my leagues because Peyton Manning threw 7 TD’s (grr!), regardless I am happy the new season is here. It’s a distraction from everyday life, something to keep attention away from other things. I recently read about this thing called impostor syndrome and I can really relate to it, because most days I feel like a fraud. I have messed up so many things in my life, so many good things, and I feel like it was self-sabotage. If I was to really think about it, if I could have taken a step back and stopped myself before doing certain things I probably would be married by now, I probably would have a master’s degree. Whoa, I don’t know how I got there, I think it’s the booze. What was I writing about? Oh yeah, football…full slate of games tomorrow, can’t wait!
I know I know, this entry is a week overdue…well this is me and I seem to procrastinate a lot so there you go. Anyway I went to Space City Con last weekend and had a great time, it was the first time I’ve been to a “con” since A-Kon in 2008. I’m not what you call an extrovert, but my friend Shane bought me a ticket months ago so I pretty much had to go (and really glad I did). The thing about me is that if I have to go places or have an appointment for something I really dread it until I actually go, it’s a character flaw I know. Back to the subject of this post, I had a blast, met some cool people (including Meredith finally!), and was introduced to a game called “Munchkin”.
Speaking of Meredith I went to the panel she moderated dealing with women in comics. I have to admit that I haven’t read a lot of comics, I really didn’t get to go to comic book stores and the like, and really the reasoning behind this is personal so I won’t write it here. The panel was fascinating and I really wish I had something to contribute, thankfully my friends Shane and Quentisha knew a lot and asked questions. I am just now starting to read comics, and because of going to the panel I started to read a comic called The Class. I just started it and will probably read a lot more while on vacation this coming week. I also read XKCD at times, also Questionable Content and my favorite (probably because I can relate to it the most) Unshelved. I’ll probably never know as much about comics as my friends, but I hope they like me anyway…maybe my knowledge of 90s TV will come in handy.
Life is full of uncertainty, you never know what each day will bring, all you can really hope for is that good things happen. There is uncertainty in our personal life and also in our professional life. Today I want to write about the uncertainty in my professional life.
In a little over three weeks the fall semester will begin and with that some changes at my place of work. These are some changes that I don’t necessarily like, however I will live with them because I like where I work. My boss and I had been talking a few months prior about working on some skills and at this point I wanted to go for a specific job that I was about 80% sure would open in 2 years. After these particular changes I doubt the job will ever materialize and I feel like I’ve been let down a bit because I have been working on these particular skills. Now I know that if the job would have opened up I was not a lock to get it, but it was the possibility of it opening that excited me.
Now that things are changing I’m a little less excited, though not discouraged as I am going to do everything in my power to try and move up in the chain of command so to speak. I am going to continue to work on these skills so that maybe somebody will notice (and so that I can continue to be useful in my current capacity). I don’t know exactly how things will work out for me in the next year or so (thus the subject of this post) but I’m going to make the best of it and hopefully still have a job.
I love it when it rains, well if I’m indoors and don’t have to deal with insane traffic. As I am typing this it is raining and all I can do is look out the window and let my mind wonder. Sometimes I think about the things I need to do, other times I think about the people I need to see, and other times the thoughts are just random.
In less than one month the fall semester begins, work will be crazy and I will undoubtedly be drinking a beer a night to calm myself down. But before then I need to do a few things: go to the doctor, go to the dentist, get my eyes checked, finish up my summer work project, and last but certainly not least go to Austin for another week. Those are my short-term thoughts.
Thoughts the take me into the long term include whether or not to renew my lease, how to pay off my bills and have a little money to myself, and getting ready for my trip to the east coast (though that won’t be happening until next summer). I’ve been reading a book called “Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work”, and it’s been helping me out a bit. I hope that if I follow the advice that’s in the book I can make better decisions about the major things in my life.
Anyway the rain has stopped and there are breaks in the clouds, maybe I’ll go outside and see if I can find a rainbow.